NATHAN

Stranger: hi

You: hi

Stranger: how do you make yourself cry/blush/ect.?

You: i dont know

You: i am not a girl

Stranger: =(

Stranger: age?

You: 20

Stranger: 14

You: hi kiddo

Stranger: hi you seem old enough to not be a perv

You: yeah i am not a pervert

Stranger: most boys my age are

You: well what can i say they are

You: not just your age but mostly

You: lol

Stranger: what's your job?

You: i am an engineering student for noww

You: i dont work sorry for that

Stranger: is ok, what sort of engineering?

You: mineral and materials

Stranger: k

You: what about you?

You: which grade?

Stranger: 9th

You: cool nice

Stranger: do you know why most boy's my age are perverts?

You: they just are, they are more open about their feelings

You: and as soon as they hit puberty they can only think about just one thing

You: are you also one of those guys?

Stranger: i am NOT a pervert!!!

You: ok cool it

You: i dont care if you are a pervert or not

You: why do you have such an issue with them?

You: tell me you are not gay

Stranger: did i ever say my gender?

You: nope

You: but anyone can guess

Stranger: i don't know if i'm gay or not, i'm fine with any sexual preference though

You: you are bi then

You: and at this moment you sound like a heart broken girl

Stranger: i would honestly rather be a girl

You: lol i told you you are gay

You: yeah guys are pervs so get over with it

Stranger: it anoys me to hear so many perverted conversations

You: then dont

You: you need to be friends with girls

You: and you can tell them you are gay

You: and also there are lot of gay people as well at your disposal

Stranger: but wouldn't it be embarrassing to openly discuss my sexual preference?

You: nope i dont think so

You: why would it be?

You: you were born gay not your fault

You: i am cool with having a gay friend even though i am not gay

Stranger: it seems like it'd be embarrassing like confessing

You: no it wont be

You: people may make fun of you

You: but it doesnt matter

You: you have got to be really what you are that is more important

Stranger: i'm surprised i'm not piked on more
i'm nerdy after all

You: lol so was i

You: nerd not a gay

You: its perfectly fine nothing to worry about, let people bully you and try to make fun of them

Stranger: my problem is i have trouble just starting a conversation with people

You: you dont have to

You: just keep quite and do your work people will talk to you themselves

Stranger: yes a few, but i'm not that good a continuing conversations, i usually just answer or ask questions that i desire to know the answer to

You: that is the best thing to do

You: you are going great dont worry about anything

Stranger: even though i've haven't made 10 friends in the last 13 years?

You: but those will be your real friends

You: i have made just 4 real friends in 20 years

You: though i have countless friends

Stranger: well how do you make more friends even if they aren't real friends?

Stranger: or a girl/boyfriend?

You: just class mates

You: i dont have a girlfriend

You: i never had any

You: and i am not planning for any

Stranger: I probably have few friends because the only thing I consider friends is true friends

You: yeah

You: thats better

Stranger: you should look for a girlfriend, don't you want to get married and have kids and grand kids?

You: i dont know

You: i dont have any gf and may be i will not have any

You: i am not good with girls

You: nerdy thing

Stranger: i'm not good with people, i'm an intravert

You: i am good with guys

You: i am an ambivert

You: i just dont meet to a lot of girls thats all

Stranger: ambivert? you mean extravert?

Stranger: meet to?

You: both

You: i can be introvert and extrovert

Stranger: k

Stranger: what would be your reaction if i told you i was a girl?

You: you are just 14 so nothing much

You: lol

You: you are just a kid and it wont matter even if you were a girl

Stranger: what if i told u earlier that i was 15-17, it's interesting when you pretend to a be a 15-17 year old girl

You: lol well nothing much then as well

You: we could have been good friends thats all

Stranger: why do you suppose i wish to be a girl?

You: i didn't you told me you wanted to be a girl

You: and that does mean you are a guy

Stranger: have, you ever confessed?

You: confessed what ?

You: i never did anything that bad

Stranger: confessed love

You: and i might have confessed a lot of petty things

You: well yeah i did when i was in school

Stranger: how'd you get over the nervousness?

You: i was such a geek , i never talked to a girl and the 1st thing i said was 'i love you and i want to spend rest of my life with you'

You: the suspence was eating me away

You: and i had to tell her coz i was not able to do anything

You: hang on brb

You: back

Stranger: what do you suppose his reaction would be if i confessed? as far as i know he's not gay

You: he will say listen i like you a lot as a guy and i am not gay we can be friends but i cant love you like you want

You: i suppose if he is not a jerk he would say this

Stranger: what do you suppose his expression would be?

You: confused

You: and shocked

Stranger: how can i get over the nervousness of confessing to him?

You: you can do that by thinking what might be the ugliest condition

You: it helped me, i knew that the girl wont ever say yes so i was cool

You: i knew what will come out of it and so do you now

Stranger: but that still doesn't help my nervousness

You: it worked for me you have to figure it out

Stranger: how might i become less embarrassed about the idea of actually wearing girls clothes?

You: good luck to you

You: well that is pretty weired

You: if you want that why dont you go for a sex change operation

You: then things might get straight for you

Stranger: since i want to be a girl i really want to wear girl's clothes to school but i'd be too embarased

Stranger: it's also weird that he has the same name as me

You: it would be better if you go for a sex change operation

You: yeah that will be weired if you would wear girls clothes

Stranger: how would i tell my parents? about sex change

You: you will have to tell them that

You: you have got to trust them with this nothing can help you with it

Stranger: but i'd be too nervous to tell them

You: you have to get over with it

You: or you will be like a girl living ina guys body forever

Stranger: i think i might actually be bi

You: ok may be

You: may i know your name?

Stranger: would it be weirder if i got a sex change and still liked girls, or just didn't get a sex change and liked guys

Stranger: nathan

You: ok yeah that will be

You: give yourself a chance

You: may be you are a bi rather than just gay

You: and do you still like girls?

Stranger: i'm too shy around them, the first time i noticed i liked someone was when i for some reason thought she liked me

You: thats fine

You: and you like guys as well

You: what can i say , you are bi live with it and you cant wear girls clothes to school

Stranger: why nit?

Stranger: not*

You: coz you are in a guys body

Stranger: so i can't cross dress?

You: that would be really weired and everyone will make fun of you for no reason

You: you can wear jeans and Ts like girls do

Stranger: you mean like the jeans that actually FIT as appose to those baggy ones?

You: yeah

Stranger: do people actually blush?

You: girls do

You: i dont know much about guys doing that

You: but yeah there is a guy here who pretends to blush like them

You: lol

You: anyways i have to go now

Stranger: bye

Sad Demise of Duel Degree

I just woke up feeling really tired after the entire afternoon which I spend almost standing, well I was not given any punishment for something I did but I was given the punishment for the mistake that I had done almost three years back. I chose to be a part of this old institution which is standing on the ground that was supported by the British empire though the support was uprooted way back but the college still cripples and yet to stand on its own feet.

One such step taken by the crippled institution was the introduction of the so called duel degree. They provide two degrees of btech and mtech in five years. It was the mistake I was talking about. I had no idea in which filthy shit I was putting my hands. When I joined in I was to be true not in my heights of spirits because I had already had a five year course that in itself was a huge investment, I was not hoping to become Warren Buffett but still I had a dream of Chetan Bhagat in my head. When I joined in I was assured by many that I will get a nice job and since I will have 2 degrees so may I could hope for a little edge over my btech friends. Still in the remotest areas of my head I had a fear what if whatever I have heard do not materializes. As my stay here prolonged so did my views. I was quite sure of the sad demise I was to go through. All the people around me had a nick name for me as ‘frustu’. Now I am in no sucking mood to extend writing it here. The people who called for my morbid fears today realized what will be their future. The duel degree people who were supposed to get a privilege today found that they have been kicked out of every possible entry into the companies. They won’t even allow us to appear for the interviews it’s like they want us to drink water without even letting us to touch water with any part of our body. On this too our department professors are behaving like stoic loudmouthed mannequins acting like sick diplomats. I don’t know what will they do and what will be the situation for me but the sad demise of the present batch is evident. Why won’t be they act like this, they were admitted 5 years back their batch mates who got interns in their 3^rd year and they were mute spectators when they were made a laughing stock by all the people around them and even by their batch mates and branch mates but they had to just bear with everything. Later their batch mates who were no better than them got jobs while they had just sit and watch. Even after one year now when all their batch mates are long gone still they are not kept at par with even with their juniors. When no company is accepting them. What is their fault they had done the same exam studied the same thing and even studied one more year then others did, still they will not get a job? I can’t understand what will they tell to their parents what will be the future of their carrier? And who the hell gives a rats ass about their future they were just a piece of experiments but the filthy diplomatic morons who now just step aside when it came for the crunch moment. I know we are not losers at the moment the world seems to have just vanished like needle in the universe but I know a time will come when we will empower ourselves and I promise when the day comes I will never give a fuck about this blood sucking life and the pressure that is being thrown up on us.     

Spinning Silhouette Illusion

My day was not as juvenile as I had expected. Yeah..guess what I had learned to accept that I am dumb. I am not sure about you either. You must be knowing that it is really trendy to forward all those emails which are already forwarded by millions of people you don’t have any dam idea about.  Specially those emails that have some inspirational message/ quizes and puzzels. The person who sends you those “forwarded” emails feels great proud even if he was not able to solve it.

Today I am also talking about such a visual illusion that my friend send me. At first I thought it was really a big deal as it had claims like the person who can just see it must have a IQ level of 160+. ……lol I am talking about the ‘Spinning Silhouette Illusion’.

 

http://www.uncleardestination.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/07/spinning-shadow-illusion.gif

 

In this image depending on yourself you will feel as if the shadow of the dancer is spinning in clockwise direction or anticlockwise direction. People claim that the direction in which you see it spinning your opposite brain to that side is working more …..bla bla……. But it is not!!!!!!! There is no relation between your side of the brain and the rotation. So how does this both side rotation thing work?????

 

Let me explain it to you. The spinning dancer is actually a shadow. So when it rotates you cannot say which of her side or leg is in the front or which one is in the rear. What we see is just a to and fro motion of legs slowly and almost same with the upper side. So let us suppose you see it moving in clockwise direction, when her legs overlap each other or in other words her body is in sideways position if her moving leg is in front of you think it is in the rear side of the leg that is stable at its position. As it is just a shadow so it will not make a difference. But as soon as you imagine it to be at the rare end it now seems to come towards you rotating in a anticlockwise direction.  Congo ……

You have gained an IQ of above 160. You have changed the direction of spin. Now as this leg will be on the front side rotating in the anticlockwise direction as soon as the cross overlap between the legs happen if you again see the leg coming now from backward direction rather than going backward from front, you can again shift the direction of spin. This shift can happen at every crossover of the legs so you can actually make the shadow oscillate between clockwise and counter clockwise direction. Lol what have you done you can not only change the direction of spin, you can even make her to oscillate. So I bet if those guys who can just see both directions of spin have an IQ of 160+ then you definitely have an IQ of 180+ congrulations man. Hahahaha yeah I don’t expect any girl to understand it even after so much explanation by me. Have a good imagination guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

’

I have got to admit I don’t write, rather it is my subject that writes for itself I am just a medium. Lately my activity has seen a decline on my blog just like the decline in the US economy unlike it I am joining the Indian economy and trying to regain the lost charm in writing.

As I said I don’t write it is my subject that writes for itself, so I finally got a subject which is a buzz world among the people around me even getting more famous than “Porn”. If you been through this time of your life you might have guessed what I am talking about. It is future more like the “fatureee” in our case. People around me have just got a bump in their ambitions and trust me this bump is more than the jump in the sensex. Though as we all know sensex is really volatile so looks the “bump”. Everyone is trying to make the most of their time, though they don’t even know what the value of their time is. It has been wisely said the best way of using your time is to “do what you love to do” so that at the end of the day you don’t consider your time as a waste.

Try to be like a child. We all say that we miss our childhood days. What was so great about those days?

Let me remind a few things about yourself back in those days:

You never thought of failure even before attempting any feat be it catching a snake. Now you don’t do things you just keep hold of your snake and leave everything behind. We have become so scared of failure.

Earlier we used to question everything and now we simply don’t care. Oh come on don’t give me this shit that you don’t care. The truth is you can’t even if you want to. We used to learn so much in those days and now we don’t even bother to learn.

Who am I fooling you won’t change now. We never respect what we have, and it’s not just males even no one respects present. As we miss our school days and keep maledicting our present days. A time will sure come when we all will be working or studying for alien aims. We will all remember these days. our time now when we have so much leisure time to full fill all our desires but we don’t do anything but just lamenting on the past, keep apprehending about the future and never respect our present. 

nightmare

When people realize that they have to go through a nightmare, they tend to take some rest before facing their night monster. Same was my plan. On the night before the hunt, when I was supposed to go to Vizag (hot and humid). I was all alone in the wing, stories of ghosts in the 7th wing were trying to haunt me but I was busy in something, also because of that I avoided supernatural at night. I was talking to this 14 year old English girl filled with loads of attitude and rudeness everything that you hate. But still we were talking and she was a little more than just a friend ….............virtually ;) she is strange a lot of times, I asked her if I could add her friends and then we can be like a whole group of friends. She flatly refused and threatened to kill me if I do that. But I kept pushing her for two days and she was like a rude rock not moved even a little. She had a fear in her head and I must say I also had a little idea about it but I never actually cared much. Yeah you know girls care and she cared a lot. Just like a winter shower she said I could add her favorite friend and she is going out for some time. I added her friend and talked to her everything from the smallest thing to the largest thing a guy can dream of. She felt just normal and we were doing it fine but I felt she was getting bored as I was feeling.
So I started talking about the stuff every guy love and girls to love it they accept it or not but they do. She felt happy and to add to her self-praised hump I also boasted her. Though some of that was even true for real. Then after sometime she went and I was done with her. By this time another guy had arrived to help me pass through the 'kill' night. I went to him and ate a lot of his 'stuff' and even went out with him at 12 in the night to have a drink but to my bad luck couldn't get any. When I came back and logged on to my account my real girl was waiting for me with her lions burning to kill me. Even before I could I say anything she said me to 'fuck off'. She just acted the way my wife would have acted. She was so mad at me almost firing at me with the sentences that I said while talking to her friend, which must not be known to her. I had told her friend not to tell those things like”you are so sexy....bla bla....don't tell her that I said this to you....she might feel bad” because she never wanted me to add her friend which I already did. I even talked to her out of the general way. All the time when I was talking (bitching) to her friend she was sitting just besides her and they both were reading it together. I shouldn't say but actually they must have been mocking at me all the time. Too good just a small arrogant girl got the worst out of me. She was freaking angry over me. She said she was so close to delete me but she didn't. She always says and wants to prove that she is rude and tough as a rock but to me she looks like a soft coconut from inside. I had never been sweet or too good to her though I say that all the time to her. Even the 1st day when we started talking we talked about sex. I tried a lot to convince her but she was not listening to me at all. When she was done what she had to say she even stopped replying to me. Deep down inside me I had hope that I might get something out of her. As her replies died the hope inside me was also settling in the ocean but I kept trying all the nice things. I had just one hope even when I was flirting with her friend I had always said how I feel about her and what all I had thought about our future. I kept saying but no replies came. After a long time I said she was being rude because of not replying to me. She bumped up again and told me who was actually rude she or me? An hour or so passed like this without discussion cum my repenting and her ignoring. Deep down inside me were rising. When I said not to be mad at me she told me to get used to it because she is gonna be mad at me a lot of times, means we were not done yet ….:) once she said she will die if I die. After another hour of my battle with her ignorance took the night to the rays of the morning sun. by the time at least she had not given on me. I have to gain her trust now, I can’t take it for granted that made me a little happy, by this morning hour two of my false drink mates had joined me. All they knew was that I didn't slept the whole night before I was supposed to leave for the kill and all the time I was just talking to this girl. They saw me chatting and like any other guy asked me for her picture. I showed them the picture and though I never thought that she was beautiful but one of my friend thought she was sweet and I don't know from where and why but I suddenly saw that, she was a bit cute and beautiful as well. Good for me anyways I kept myself on the same line. It was morning here and getting really dark there. She had never slept past 10 and it was 2am now there. She asked me for my permission to leave. Why would she do it? May be there was still something there for me left in her heart. I had spent the whole sleepless night, now the night monster was taking on me as well. She didn't went without my permission, well good for me anyways. She was dying to sleep. She said will I let her go if she was still friends with me but I didn't. She was getting sleepy and frustrated. At last she said what I wanted to hear and finally my effort for the night paid off. I was happy to leave now with a beautiful thought in my head. I don't know why but I really felt good. My god let me have the same feel forever.

BODYBUILDING

Ah! Oh! Aah! Uuuuhhh! Don’t think I am about to come. While groaning in pain I was just thinking why I did that. The pain is going to burst my ass out and I will still make it worse for myself. This pain that I am going through is just like being fucked in the asshole.
This is for you phages, you nerds think that you only have the brains and the rest of the guys doing any other stuff are just a piece of junk. Here I am talking about bodybuilding. People think that the guys who don’t have the grey matter are intruded to it. As if the entire quota of grey matter was a gift to them only. I want to challenge you little creeps if you can’t even spare just half an hour to build your own temple how could you do anything for anyone ever.
It’s been said by one of the best ever(Arnold) that there is a pain barrier in bodybuilding and only a winner can cross it, it determines if you will become a winner or remain just a common man. It’s like you are dying out of pain and still you love it and raise the level of pain. It is just like sex. Think about the situation of a girl in sex the much more pain you can cause to her she loves it more. The more pain you can cause the more you can satisfy her. This may not be your cup of tea.
It’s when the pain takes over you and you feel as if you are about to die but still you can’t stop you have to go on and on. It’s like if you can fuck yourself than you can do it. If you are thinking that I fuck myself than yup you are bang on target. I am really good at fucking myself. It requires a great amount of your brain strength and self motivation. Same is with me the more weight I use in my workouts the more pain It causes and the more I love it. It is same kind of a feeling as if I want to come. Blood rushing through your veins, adrenaline being pumped into it and you are in a holy dip of your own sweat. It feels real good. That means I can come anytime I want as many times as I want.
Think the other way. What if you don’t see the results? That is what happens with most of the people. You won’t see the results that easy. At times I think what am I doing? Why am I doing this? I can’t become a professional, not even a modal but I have to keep doing it again and again and again. Without any reason. It’s all controlled from your head the adrenaline pumped in your blood makes the pain worth it.

FREE TIME

Have you ever thought, what is free time? what happens to our free time? and what can be done with that?
I pray i was a "sadhu" a guy having full controls over my desires. Which most of the times are evil. for others sure but not always good enough for me. That empty time just raises all your deep devils and in the darkness of the night when light itself is feared to live we here keep trying to fight in the devils inside us. The night when we concur ourselves must be the greatest night but not for long. Its not difficult to win but it if difficult to win over ourselves time and again.
I have also tried to win over myself a lot! sorry a few times but (these buts have started creating pains in my butts) i succeeded just for a short time. To kill the wild devil inside you the prime step might be to kill the free time that we have and which doesn't allow us to remain free.