Don’t read about me I don’t deserve it. I don’t know how I reached here? I did gave the exam where you have to perform in just 3hrs. I don’t have a right to be here. Where I am dumped with 400 geniuses all superior than me and I am forced to win a rat race from them.
I live in past, my memories always keep reminding me the things I had done in the past and all their evil effects. I was good at studies but college took all the confidence from me. People go for departmental positions, act, dance, sing, talk, look beautiful, have girlfriends, drink, enjoy games but I don’t…………… I can’t, even if I try it projects me as a looser and I agree ‘I am a looser’.
I am not cool, and now I had even left hope of ever being. I am just a scrued up joker. I don’t know why I have faith on god has he ever done good for me………..shit why do I think so much why can’t I be real (always have crap scratching my mind). Night outs are a common stuff. Why can’t I get along with any one? No one fucking cares for me and now I had stopped thinking about it. I can’t laugh I don’t deserve it. Future!!! Can anything happen to me. I hate toppers why are they so good at everything, I don’t have any talent. My standards for girls have fallen drastically or may be the other way I know I can’t ever get anyone so I had stopped bothering about me or hell I won’t get one if I try as well.
Why do I chat to unknown complete strangers who don’t even fucking cares about me or not even know me? Staying up night just to talk with someone you don’t know. What I don’t have …………..or I don’t have anything. To me all look the same, I am a crap. why do I take so much care for the people I don’t know and fuck them…..wait they fuck me who knows me. My parents, their relatives whom I don’t even know have so many expectations from me. What if I don’t achieve it, they think I’ll earn in dollars ……….will I even earn anything ever.
Why I always think that people are avoiding me…….or they are actually avoiding me, making a fool of myself. Kind of playing with me as if I don’t have anything to think from as if I blindly trust them. Actually I do trust them even after knowing that they are playing with me. Why I look desperate for everything. People stay online but just avoid me by saying that they are not as they know what a looser I am. Why is everyone so happy other than me? Am I such a big messed up crap? That nothing can ever make me laugh. Why there is so competition? Why can’t I have a girlfriend?
Nothing is ever going to change me, I’ll remain an asshole. Nothing can change me. No one will be affected by my survival or………..do I even have a right to live? Should a person like me be allowed to talk to people always make a fool of me? Any ways they aviod me. I had already thought the best way to leave…………. I avoid parties, meeting people as I know they won’t even like me. Am I such a big dickhead that no one will ever like me? I always have to force myself on others, is that my fate?
No one should ever talk to me; I don’t deserve to live here along with these people. I should be thrown out of the society in some dark deserted corner for the rest of my life.
